"It seems like nothing is black and white anymore"

You'll probably never read this, and that is the way I'd like to keep it.

So, I just found out the news...you're having a baby...wow. I'm not sure if I should congratulate you or feel sorry for you. What is the etiquette on acknowledging that your ex-boyfriend knocked some girl up? Ok, ok I apologize. She isn't some girl, she's your girlfriend. Oh I apologize again, she is your fiance. My bad.

I don't know why finding out this news is effecting me. I have been detached to you for so long. I'm not really even sure how I feel. I'm not mad, I'm not jealous, I don't even think I'm sad. There is a small part of me that is relieved, thankful that it isn't me. There is also a small part of me that is confused, wondering where that goofy, innocent boy that I met at church camp three years ago went.

I guess I am a little sad. Sad that I don't know who you are anymore. Sad that I know you don't want all this. Sad that I know you wish your life was different. Sad that your son or daughter is gonna have a father who isn't ready to be who he needs to be.

I know that this is brutally honest, and the only reason I'm being this way is because I know you'll never read this. You, of all people, know that I would never say any of this to your face.

I just hope and pray that God turns you into the man that you are supposed to be and that you will raise your child in a Godly way.

Good luck, my dear