The Miseducation of Lauren Hill

"I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace"

2009-03-27T11:38:00.000-07:00

Feburary 1st, 2009...

2009-01-23T09:48:00.000-08:00

...a day I never thought would come.

I can't wait!

"And then your heart just breaks"

2009-01-21T12:52:00.000-08:00

It's weird. I'm taking a class called Death, Grief and Bereavement. People always have weird reactions when they find out I'm taking this class. They always talk about how "morbid" it is that I would take that and ask why I would want to put myself through it. After I explain that I plan to get my Master's degree in Counseling, they start to understand. They still think it's weird, but they say they understand. The truth is that I love this class and am very excited about it. Death is something that everyone goes through and has to deal with at some point in their lives and I think that the more educated I am about this subject, the more I will be able to help people that are going through it.

I am supposed to be putting together a "Deathology", which documents everything death related that I have gone through in my life and how it has affected me.

Today I came back from lunch and was informed that one of our employees killed himself. He didn't show up to work today or call so our manager went to his home and found him. My heart is broken. We had to organize a meeting this afternoon to tell all of the rest of the employees. Giving that news might have been the worst thing I've ever gone through. Watching the color drain out of their faces as they heard the news made me sick.

It's weird that I've been thinking about death and how it has affected me all day as I've worked on my "Deathology" and then this happened.

"When you're 14..."

2009-01-20T13:34:00.000-08:00

Top 5 best things about living with a 14 year old all weekend

5. She never gets up earlier than 9am so I have the ability to sleep in.

4. She is constantly wanting to play with my hair and "try new things with it" (I love when people play with my hair!)

3. She can take care of herself so I basically got paid to make sure she didn't do anything stupid.

2. Since I'm in college everything I do is automatically cool to her and even to me she makes my life sound more interesting then it really is.

1. She likes all of the music and t.v. shows that I secretly love, but would never tell anyone (Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Paramore and Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill and pretty much every show on MTV) so I can watch and listen to them and use her as an excuse! :)

Top 5 worst things about living with a 14 year old all weekend

5. I constantly feel like a chi-mo becuase everytime I meet one of her guy
friends, she asks me if I think they're hot.....everytime my response was "HE LOOKS 12!!!!!"

4. She doesn't share my love for the Suns or Cardinals, so when I was jumping up and down screaming that the Cardinals were going to the Superbowl, the only response I got was an eyeroll and an "I just don't get football".

3. She has 97 million stories to tell me and she tells them and uses people's names like I should know them. I now know the love triangle between Amber, Chris and Amy, why Sam is such a douchebag and why Alex really punched Jamie in the face, not just the story the Vice Principal knows.

2. Most conversations start with "Promise you won't tell my parents but..." and end with me going to the mall to buy H2Ocean cleaner to heal infected piercings.

1. Finding out that I want to have kids but I never want them grow up to be teenagers where I have to let them go out into the world and make their own decisions. Finding out that I am a complete worrier and dropping her off at the movies for 2 hours had my mind racing about what she was really doing and who she was really going to meet. Can't I just keep them locked up until their prefrontal cortex is fully developed and they can make smart, logical decisions for themselves?

Palin was the hottest...

2008-12-04T23:25:00.000-08:00

I feel like all I do is post videos anymore.

I've had this stuck in my head since my brother showed it to me at Thanksgiving and I can't hear the real song without singing the lyrics to this one.

I would love to see Obama really dance like that :)

My heart is full

2008-11-07T23:28:00.000-08:00

I hate losing people. I don't lose people. Minus a few rare exceptions, if you are my friend then you are my friend for life and there are very few things that could change that.

A small crack in my heart has been gradually growing larger over the last few months because I've felt like I've been losing one of the most important people in my life. This crack was getting bigger and deeper, until tonight. I had the most refreshing 3 hour conversation with this person. Nothing big or dramatic happened, it was just normal. Catching up on all of the little things in our life all the things that we have been missing out on. I need normal. I've been craving normal. Lately my world has been spinning a little too fast for me and I needed this to slow it down to a pace I could handle. Isn't is funny how things work out like that?

It hurts

2008-10-27T11:29:00.000-07:00

"I love you by and by. I don't know if I'd survive without a friend like you in my life."

2008-10-17T11:46:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been feeling completely overwhelmed with love and gratitude for the people in my life. I have been going through a lot this past month, some people know about it and some don't, but regardless of where they're at I have never felt so much love and support in my life. I'm not sure if it's just me noticing it, or if those close to me just sense it, but I am just realizing how lucky I am. I have the greatest support system anyone could ever need.

My parents are amazing. My heart just explodes with love for them. They love and support me in whatever I do, they trust me and give me their honest optinion. I couldn't ask for two better people to have raised me. I am overflowing with gratitude for how much they love me and support me. They have set a perfect example of the realtionship that I someday will strive to have.

The rest of my family is wonderful. My brother, my cousins, my aunt. They are all exactly who I need them to be at the perfect times. My aunt is 2 hours away and it's like she can feel what I am going through and she'll text me out of no where saying exactly what I need to hear. It's crazy. She understands the things I tell her she doesn't think I'm crazy! She is great at giving the exact advice and encouragement that I need and most of the time I don't even think she realizes it. My brother keeps me sane. He knows exactly how to make me laugh. He keeps me grounded, he protects me. He is my discernment, even if I don't always appreciate it. He is everything a brother should be.

I have the best friends that anyone could ever ask for. They never judge me or think I'm crazy. Each one of them is perfectly....well, them. They each bring something different, but essential to the table. They are all so different then I am. I get so many different perspectives and ideas. They laugh with me, cry with me. They let me vent, let me be dramatic, but tell me when it's time to get over it. They bring me back down to earth when my head is in the clouds and tell when it's okay to dream and run away with my thoughts. They, like everyone else in my life are 100% loyal and supportive. I know that they will stand with me in whatever I decide to do, no matter what they think, and that means more to me than anything else.

I always wonder why I am so full of love and have so much to give, and then I realized that it is because I have so much love and support directed at me. I wish I could better express my apprecaition to these people in my lives, because there is no way that I could survive without them.

Can I have your number?

2008-10-06T10:44:00.000-07:00

I spent last weekend with my brother and cousins down in Phoenix. It was so nice to get out of Flagstaff for a little while and spend some time with some of my favorite people in the world. When the boys weren't cracking me up with their ridiculous stories and banter, they were probably showing me youtube videos that they thought were hilarious. I thought I'd share some of my favorites with you. Keep in mind, these were shown to me by three 18 year old boys haha.

Charlene

"Speaking words of wisdom. Let it be."

2008-08-03T23:57:00.001-07:00

Fall in love or fall in hate.
Get inspired or be depressed.
Ace a test or flunk a class.
Make babies or make art.
Speak the truth or lie and cheat.
Dance on tables or sit in the corner.
Life is divine chaos. Embrace it.
Forgive yourself. Breathe.

"Is everything this beautiful..."

2008-07-18T12:49:00.000-07:00

So I have finally got up enough endurance to write about my first week of camp. BRIDGESwas not an easy week. This was the first year that this camp ever happened, so we were all braving this together. We had to have confidence in our director and cut her some slack when things went wrong because this was her first time too (TWSS). Luckily, it wasn't too hard to do that because Laurie is a pretty amazing lady. I look up to her so much and her passion for what she does is contagious. She was a great director, when I was at my lowest and didn't want to give anymore, I would think of her and that my efforts were a small part of making her dreams come true and that was my motivation to not punch anyone in the throat. Laurie's Story is pretty inspiring and shows that her whole heart is in this camp.

For the most part, I work with a pretty awesome group of girls. Unfortunately, every issue that had to be dealt with that week centered around one or two of the facilitators. That was the hardest part. I felt like I was surrounded by people that didn't deal with things in the way that is appropriate as an authority figure. I have never felt more physically or mentally drained then I have that week. I am so thankful that we didn't do two weeks in a row. This month break was much needed. Don't get me wrong though, I am so thankful to have met these girls and have them be a part of my life. They are all beautiful people, but some people just aren't meant to be leading girls so close to their own age. This upcoming week will be a lot better though because Laurie took care of those issues and repositioned some of my co-workers.

The girls, on the other hand, were amazing! My fellow facilitator, Addy, and I had the perfect group! I have never been more proud of a group of girls in my life!

These girls range from age 13 to 15 and at the beginning of the week these girls were the queen bees. They thought they were hot stuff and everyone had to answer to them. As the week progressed they were able to examine themselves and who they were becoming. Most of them didn't like what they saw and made huge improvements throughout the week. By the last day my heart was just overflowing with love, joy and pride for these girls. There are two that call or text me about every other day and ask advice or just want to say hi. It's hard to be a teenage girls these days and with the way that these girls were heading at such a early age, I hope that I can be at least one positive influence in their life.

Even though the week was one of the toughest I've had and I felt drained, useless and out of my element, by the end of the week I saw why I was there. I found what I am good at, the age that I work best with. I realized my calling in life. I feel so privileged that I was able to be apart of this for it's first year and with the group that was involved.

More Pictures

See us on the local news!

"Someday my generation is gonna rule the population"

2008-07-16T08:40:00.000-07:00

My heart is broken right now...

It all started on Sunday afternoon. I was in the middle of watching Kung-Fu Panda and I got a text message asking if I had heard about the local high school kid that was killed. Shocked that I hadn't heard anything, I asked her what happened. She proceeded to tell me that three boys from my old high school shot another local kid point blank in the head. Two of the boys graduated from Sinagua with my brother, they were 18, and the other was going to be a senior, he was 17. The boy that was shot was only 16 and he had dropped out from one of the other high schools in town. My friend told me that she had heard that the boy that they shot was their drug dealer and their confrontation was over drugs.

This has been the topic of conversation with every person I have come in contact with that has lived in Flagstaff for more than 10 years. Whether it be running in to them at the grocery store, or seeing them at the gym, someone seems to have another piece of the puzzle that is this murder. They either talk about these kid's family lives, or what they were involved in or who their friends are. Everyone seems to have heard new information from someone who knows them or someone who is involved.

I feel like I am watching a television drama as I wait in anticipation for the next bit of information. Everyday the police release more information pertaining to the murder. So far, they have found that the murder was in fact over drugs. The night before the murder the 17 year old contacted the 16 year old and was interested in trading him some marijuana for ecstasy. The 16 year old agreed and set up a place for them to meet. When they met the 16 year old started beating the other kid, stole his marijuana and cell phone and told him to never try and sell drugs in his territory again. The 17 year old went home angry and called his friend (one of the 18 year olds charged) and his friend brought over a pellet gun and and loaded handgun. He gave him the pellet gun saying that it wouldn't get him in trouble if he used it. This was around 4am on last Thursday morning. Thursday night at 10pm was when the 16 year old's body was found with one gunshot wound in his head. He was already dead by the time they found him. Two of the boys are being charged with 1st degree murder, robbery and kidnapping. The third boy is being charged with premeditated murder, robbery and kidnapping.

I think the reason that this is the topic of everyone's conversation is because we are completely shocked. This is not the Flagstaff that we remember. People are shocked that teenagers that go to school with their kids would kill another person over drugs. My heart is broken because these kid's lives are over because of this decision, and in a town like Flagstaff, their family's lives are over too. Anyone who has recently attended high school in Flagstaff knows that there is a huge drug problem here and knows where to get drugs if they wanted to, but I think that this murder will open the eyes of the entire town, including law enforcement, to the reality of the drug problem, and that something needs to be done to stop it.

Here are links to the articles that have been in the local newspaper giving the newest information:

Sunday July 13th, 2008
Monday July 14th, 2008
Tuesday July 15th, 2008
Wednesday July 16th, 2008

"But today, I have the opportunity to choose"

2008-07-14T10:58:00.000-07:00

There are so many categories, tiers, levels and connotations of the word loss. It could be as simple as losing a pencil, or go as deep and personal as the death of someone close and there is still so much in between. I recently "lost" my brother to a different town when he moved for college. There could be the loss of a home when you move somewhere new, the loss of a good friend when they grow and change, the loss of a family pet, or the loss of a job. No matter what is lost, it always seems to be a negative thing, or that seems to be how we react to it. I think it is because it is human nature to be uncomfortable with change.

Sometimes people, me included, thrive off change. I feel like it keeps me awake, on my toes, it keeps my heart beating. But, there is nothing like the safety, comfort and security of KNOWING what is going to happen. Loss requires a lot of trust because it means your future is going to change. We can't see the future so we have to trust that we are going to be okay and that we will be able to survive without whatever was lost. Trust is a tough concept because no one likes not being in control, but it is something that we have to do because honestly what other choice do we have? We can't change our current situations, we can't bring back what we have lost.

I firmly believe that everything in life is a choice. Love is a choice, trust is a choice, happiness and satisfaction are choices. Life is about your perspective and how you CHOOSE to look at it.

I do believe that there is something positive that comes out of loss and that is the ability to change and grow. It is an opportunity for us to choose if we are going to sit and think of what was or what could have been, or if we are going to use this to better ourselves, learn and grow.

I choose to trust and know that everything is going to be okay, even when I feel completely lost. I choose to see the positive in loss and use it to my advantage.

"You Can't Make Your Heart Feel Something It Won't"

2008-04-08T22:17:00.000-07:00

I have learned a lot about heartbreak today. A good friend of mine is going through a break up and I have been trying to figure out how I can make her feel better. I put myself in her shoes and realized that I would get though the stages of grief through music. So as I'm going though my music library I began to realize that broken hearts make for some amazing music! Here is a VERY condensed list of some of my favorite songs having to do with heartbreak.

The Scientist-Coldplay

I Can't Make You Love Me-Bonnie Raitt

Slow Dancin' in a Burning Room-John Mayer

Apologies-Grace Potter and the Nocturnals

You Don't Bring Me Flowers-Neil Diamond and Barbara Streisand

Goodbye Waves and Drive Away-The Rocket Summer

Bound to Happen-The Spill Canvas

Bent-Matt Nathanson

Missing You-John Waite

Honorable Mention: Goodbye My Lover-James Blunt.........Just kidding ;)

"Lights, Camera, Action when I walk through the door"

2008-04-04T23:04:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me probably knows how close I am to my brother. He is my best friend and I am so proud of the person that he is becoming. I don't even have the words to express it.

I just love my brother.

This article was on the front page of today's sports page.

April Fool's!

2008-04-02T11:13:00.000-07:00

Nothing significant happen this April Fool's Day. Unfortunately, there were no good jokes pulled. I opted against my usual telling my parents I'm pregnant routine, because oddly, I don't think they find it too amusing. As usual I was the butt of many jokes that the kids I nanny for tried to pull on me.....so yeah, yesterday was fantastic (Do you detect that sarcasm?).

A friend sent this video to me yesterday and I think it would be an epic April Fool's joke.

"Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger"

2008-04-01T20:54:00.000-07:00

I have too much time on my hands if I'm watching stuff like this....

"Summatime"

2008-04-01T19:18:00.000-07:00

It's getting to be that time of year when the semester is almost over and I have to start trying to figure out what I am going to do for the summer. I have a couple different options. There are two camps that I have the opportunity to work at. One is an all girls camp called Bridges that is two separate weeks in the summer. The other is a camp that I worked at this last summer called ZonaYuthKamp. This is just for one week in July and it is held in California.

Because I don't think I have the energy to work two camps this summer, I need to choose between the two. I will probably end up going with Bridges because of the pay and because I need the change in atmosphere. Bridges is going to be a great opportunity as well because it actually has to do with the field I want to go into. It is a leadership camp for high school age girls and it is an opportunity for them to build their self-esteem.

My ultimate goal is to someday open a youth camp that has this same leadership/confidence building atmosphere. I think it is so important for young teenage kids to have those skills before they finish high school and I want to do whatever I can to enable them.

25 ways into a girl's heart

2008-03-04T23:20:00.000-08:00

Apparently my ex-boyfriends have been sharing their wonderful dating skills:

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things; they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for wussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words 'fuck you,' and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold... but not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say, "If you don't stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No, she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

21. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

22. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

23. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much, but I think it's funny.

24. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will ensure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny!

25. When she starts talking about the cellulite on her hips, tell her that you've noticed it, and that she has a double-butt because of it. Make sure you also tell her that it's much more noticeable when she walks up the stairs in front of you. Girls love an honest guy.

"Magic makes the music more..."

2008-02-22T12:38:00.000-08:00

"Music can lift us out of depression or move us to tears - it is a remedy, a tonic, orange juice for the ear. But for many of my neurological patients, music is even more - it can provide access, even when no medication can, to movement, to speech, to life. For them, music is not a luxury, but a neccessity." -Oliver Sacks, Neurologist

Who knew that I could find such a good quote on my Starbucks cup this morning?

"Nobody likes a cynic"

2008-02-14T12:29:00.001-08:00

Oh Valentine's Day....I never really understood why people get so worked up about it. I don't know, maybe it's because I've never been in a serious relationship during this particular day, but I just see all of this crap in the stores and I just think "if a guy were to give me this I would laugh at his face". My boyfriend/husband will know me well enough to know that when the time comes I guess. I was reading post secret today, and I was amazed at how much turmoil people go through just because of some stupid day that couples are supposed to have fun with. I don't know...it just seems like a day where people spend too much money, and it puts people through too much pain. Do other people feel this way or am I just a cynic? There are some with hope though...

"This town of mine..."

2008-02-13T08:51:00.000-08:00

I saw this today and thought it was pretty funny. sadly most of it is true. If you've lived in flagstaf for any length of time you might enjoy it as well.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Flagstaff.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Flagstaff.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Flagstaff.

If 'vacation' means going anywhere south of Cordes Junction for the weekend, you live in Flagstaff.

If you measure distance in hours, you live in Flagstaff.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Flagstaff.

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Flagstaff.

If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked, you live in Flagstaff.

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Flagstaff.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Flagstaff.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80, and everyone is still passing you, you live in Flagstaff.

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Flagstaff.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Flagstaff.

If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly' you live in Flagstaff.

"People will try, try to divide something so real"

2008-02-12T18:10:00.000-08:00

Alicia Keys and John Mayer are one of my favorite duos of all time. When they collaborated for Alicia Keys' album As I Am with the song Lesson Learned I fell in love with their musical baby. Then, I got the most amazing surprise of my life at this years Grammy's....

All I have to say is....Girl crush of the year goes to Miss Alicia Keys

"Grace like rain, falls down on me"

2008-02-08T09:37:00.000-08:00

"I love that you embrace non-believers, it's cool that you walk your walk down the same path beside them."

Someone said this to me a few days ago. It is true, I can count the number of true friends that I have that are believers on one hand. I try to be Lauren in every situation, no matter who I am around. Because Jesus is inside of me and He is such a big part of me, my hope is that he shines through me. My goal is to show non-believers that Christians aren't who they think they are. A Christian isn't someone to judge and condemn you for the life that you live, it is someone who loves and accepts you no matter what you do. I want to be someone that, through my actions and lifestyle, can show that something better is out there. I want to show people the same grace that my God has shown me.

"Holy, Holy, Holy"

2008-02-04T23:41:00.000-08:00

I haven't giggled this hard in a long time...

"I'm only good at being young"

2008-01-24T09:19:00.000-08:00

My birthday is coming up and I'll no longer be a "teen". It's kinda weird to think about. 20 is actually a pretty big birthday but it gets completely over looked because next comes the infamous 21, which honestly, I couldn't care less about. Well since I'm about to start MY new year, I thought I would just talk about some things that I learned during my 19th year. Well I'm pretty sure that I knew all of these, but they were just reiterated with full force.

1. People come in and out of your life for a reason. Now, you probably think I'm refering to a good friend leaving my life, but you would be sadly mistaken. I am refering to those people in my life that I don't think I would ever choose to be friends with and they just won't leave me alone! (If you are worrying if I'm talking about you then I'm not. These people know who they are.) The more and more I am forced to interact with these people, the more I can see why we are a part of eachother's lives. They have so much to teach me and they have the tools to open my mind and heart to things that I never could have dreamed.

2. God is bigger, smarter, stronger, wiser than I am. Enough said.

3. No matter what is going on in your life, the world still rotates, the sun still rises and sets, people still get up in the morning and go to bed at night, dogs still bark, babies still cry, flowers still bloom, rain still falls, cars still start....are you getting my point here? The world doesn't stop when you feel like your world is crashing down. For some people this is the hardest thing that they will ever learn, but for me it was kind of relieving. I am NOT the center of the universe and thank God, because that would be a lot on my shoulders.

4. Family is forever. After moving out of the house I have learned to love and appreciate each member of my famliy and home more than ever before. They are the people that know you, love you and are on your side no matter what. I am so thankful for the family that I have and wouldn't trade any of them for the world.

5. Watch what you say. Think about every word before it comes out of your mouth. The tounge is deadly, and mine is probably one of the worst. One word can change a realationship forever. One sentence can make or break you. Words are our biggest weapon and there isn't a sheild big enough to protect you from what is hurled at you.

There are more, but I think that is heavy enough for today. Hopefully I can remember a few of these during the 20th year so they don't have to be flung at me so hard.

"Sleep don't come easily"

2008-01-14T11:10:00.000-08:00

Well since I started school today I decided that I'd better make some goals for myself:

1. Stay on top of my school work.I am the world's biggest procrastinator. I need deadlines, I need to be babysat or else I'll wait till the last possible second do my work. I need to set my own deadlines this year, because lets be honest, its about time that I start getting good grades, or "reaching my full potential" as my advisor would say.

3. Go to class. I know this sounds like a pretty simple goal, but if you know me at all then you know that this is no simple task. I have no concept of time. My friends, family and boss can attest to this. If I tell you that I will meet you somewhere at a certian time, do yourself a favor and don't expect me for another half hour. Sorry, being late is one of my many faults. I'm pretty sure it's genetic. If you've met my mom or grandma then you know what I'm talkng about. My dad says we run on "Arney time" (Arney is my Grandma's maiden name) because all the women in my family are burdened with this curse and the men are convinced that when their daughters are late, it is not from their side of the family. So in light of this little disease that I have, I don't do well when I am told that I have to be somewhere at a certain time, and I am expected to be there on time. Usually I find something better to do or get sidetracked and blow off class entirely. Since goal #1is to get good grades and stay on top of my work, I think I should probably go to class because something tells me those two go hand in hand.

3. Prioritize my time. As mentioned above, I'm not very efficient with my time. Frankly, I kinda suck when it comes to getting stuff done. My walk-in closet is a great example of this. The floor is covered with dirty clothes, while there are few items that are actually still hung up. Those items consist of things given to me for christmas that are either too small or are completely...um...well...we'll just say they aren't my style. There is un upside to only doing laundry once a month though. The task of folding and putting away clothes is filled with the surprise discovery of finding items that I never remembered I had. It's like going shopping for free once a month! I love it! Anyway, I have so much going on this semester with my three different jobs, class, teaching a children's areobics class and nannying twice a week. I really need to buckle down and make the most of what little free time I will get.

Well, those are the only goals I have time to wirte down now, and frankly, I think the task will be all I can handle right now. Off to my next class!

"It seems like nothing is black and white anymore"

2008-01-11T12:05:00.000-08:00

You'll probably never read this, and that is the way I'd like to keep it.

So, I just found out the news...you're having a baby...wow. I'm not sure if I should congratulate you or feel sorry for you. What is the etiquette on acknowledging that your ex-boyfriend knocked some girl up? Ok, ok I apologize. She isn't some girl, she's your girlfriend. Oh I apologize again, she is your fiance. My bad.

I don't know why finding out this news is effecting me. I have been detached to you for so long. I'm not really even sure how I feel. I'm not mad, I'm not jealous, I don't even think I'm sad. There is a small part of me that is relieved, thankful that it isn't me. There is also a small part of me that is confused, wondering where that goofy, innocent boy that I met at church camp three years ago went.

I guess I am a little sad. Sad that I don't know who you are anymore. Sad that I know you don't want all this. Sad that I know you wish your life was different. Sad that your son or daughter is gonna have a father who isn't ready to be who he needs to be.

I know that this is brutally honest, and the only reason I'm being this way is because I know you'll never read this. You, of all people, know that I would never say any of this to your face.

I just hope and pray that God turns you into the man that you are supposed to be and that you will raise your child in a Godly way.

Good luck, my dear

"My dear, you''re slow dancin' in a burning room"

2008-01-10T12:32:00.000-08:00

I think it's funny how people pick and choose what they think God is telling them.

I was talking to a friend recently who is having all kinds of boy issues. I used to feel bad for her, but the more and more I listen to her the less bad I feel because I've figured out that she brings it all upon herself. She thinks that God is telling her things and giving her "signs" but it's pretty obvious to anyone lookng from an outside perspective that is a horrible idea. She manipulates everthing just so she can have reason to think that God wants her to be with this specific guy. Then she overreacts when he doesn't return her calls or texts (which is pretty frequently) and says that he just isn't close enough to God and isn't listening to God's plan well enough. Well sweetheart, did you ever think that God doesn't want the two of you to be together and that isn't part of his divine plan? Hmmmm.....how about we put two and two together now hun.

I know that I am no one to judge what God is showing her and what he isn't but it just kinda seems like she cares more about having a relationship with this boy instead of with God. It seems like she tries to convince herself that her relationship with God is more important, but from what I have witnessed, this boy is her god. When her relationship with him is good, then her realtionship with God is good. Or, I have also noticed that when this boys is struggling in his realtionship with God, she suddenly starts struggling too. I don't know. It just frustrates me when I see someone spirling downward and they don't even realize it. Or maybe they realize it but they feel like they have already put up such a front that they aren't allowed to struggle and question God's plan. At least own up to it when you are doing what you want and defying God's plan. Stop trying to twist God's commands to make them fit your plans.

Am I preaching to the choir here?

"Oh, the weight of it all"

2008-01-08T13:22:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had something or someone in your life that you know shouldn't be there?
Now don't get me wrong, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and people come in and out of your life for a purpose, but did you ever know that someone came into your life for a reason and then you completely screwed that up?

I have felt so guilty lately because I know that God brought this person into my life and my life and actions have been the worst witness to him. I just keep thinking that I have gotten myself in way to deep and there is no way that I can fix this.

Then today it hit me. I am giving myself way too much credit. Who am I to think that I was so great and powerful to ruin God's plan? Thankfully God will work in spite of me. Then I started thinking ever deeper (shocker..i know) and I realized that maybe God brought this particular person into my life to teach me a lesson. To draw me closer to Himself. Maybe it was even to humble me, to show me that I am no where near perfect. I don't know what his ultimate goal with this situation is and I am thankful for that. I am so thankful to have a God that knows more than I do, can comprehend more than I can and that has plans far greater than anything I can understand, imagine or grasp.

It is so relieving to give up control, to have the weight of your world lifted off of your shoulders.

"Life taught me to die"

2007-12-31T13:28:00.000-08:00

My heart is broken this holiday season.

A family that I know and love lost a very important person and I just can't seem to shake this grief that I feel for them.

A family friend, the father of a boy that I have been going to school with since 1st grade, had a heart attack and died the afternoon of Christmas Eve. This man was taken away from three teenage kids and a wife who just found out she had breast cancer. He was her rock, the only thing that kept her going and now he's gone. She has never felt so alone, so scared, so unsure. I wish there was something I could do. People are constantly asking them what they can do and the only answer that they can muster is "you can bring my dad back".

Carol, Erik, Chad, Jenna.....If I could I would....

But I can't, and it breaks my heart that I can't. All I can do is pray. I know that doesn't really mean anything to them, but I don't know how else to respond. The only one that knows why Chuck was taken from his family is the only one that can comfort them.

"Amazing love, how can it be...."

2007-12-20T12:48:00.000-08:00

These are some of the most convicting words that I have ever heard...

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother." 1 John 4:18-21

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:16-18

"Baby, you're the only light I think I ever saw"

2007-12-18T10:05:00.000-08:00

If John Mayer broke up with me using this song....There is no way i could be mad. The lyrics are genius.

"I'm so alive, I'm so enlightened"

2007-12-14T12:46:00.000-08:00

Ok, it is official...I am definitely quitting my job.

We had a huge snow storm earlier this week and I was supposed to work on Monday night. My car and my roommate's car were both stuck in the driveway because of all the snow and ice. I called into work at about 8:00pm and told them that I wasn't going to be coming in at 10pm because of the weather. I figured that would beok since there were already 5 people there and working. Well apparently my boss decided to work that night as well and wasn't too happy about me just calling and sayig that I wasn't coming in without getting a sub. She called me at about 9:30pm and basically told me that if I didn't come in that I was going to lose my job. Now this wouldn't have been that big of a deal to me except that if I get fired from one department then I automatically get fired from any department that I work in...and I work in 3 others. So after she told me that, I explained to her that both my car and my room mates car was stuck in the driveway and I had no way of getting there. Her response was, "You can walk". So, in fear of losing my job and being the overly passive person that I am, I walked 3 miles in a freezing cold blizzard, with snow up to my thighs at some point, at 10pm at night, by myself!

Ok, ok. Maybe I am being a little dramatic, but that is pretty dangerous! At least I got a ride home and didn't have to walk home at 1am. This little incident definitely pushed me over the edge though...after the winter break...I'm done.

"Everything...is gonna be alright"

2007-12-13T10:48:00.000-08:00

My semester finally ended yesterday and I couldn't be happier! This semester wasn't too bad. For the most part I stayed on top of my work and actually went to class. Its funny how much more motivated you get when there is a threat to being kicked out of school.

On Friday I logged onto my NAU email and was pleasantly surprised to come across an email from my Social Work professor telling me that I had an A in the class and if I was happy with that grade then I didn't have to come in and take the final on Monday. If I was happy with an A? No Professor Goodluck, (yes, her last name really is Goodluck haha) I think I'll come in and take the final and risk getting a B, but thanks for the offer!

I have three other classes. In Social Psychology, I didn't have a final either because we had a quiz every two weeks. Right now I have a C in that class, but there is still one paper that needs to be graded and recorded in that. Then I have Physical Science and a lab. I'm not really sure how I'm going to do in there. My last class is New Testament. I think I did ok on the final and I got an A on our latest paper so I'm not too worried about that class.

Overall, I think I'm going to be ok this semester and I don't think I'll get kicked out. Just cross your fingers for me!

"Let him know that you know best"

2007-12-10T10:38:00.000-08:00

You have no idea how happy I am that this weekend is over. It was maybe one of the most stressful weekends ever.

It started out with my Grandparents coming up for Brian's basketball tournament on Wednesday. My 73 year old Grandpa has Muscular Dystrophy, so his muscles are getting weaker and weaker. He is in a wheelchair and he can't do much by himself. He can barely hold a fork and lift it to his mouth to eat. Because of his disease and how hard it is for him to get around, he and my Grandma don't travel much. So it was huge that they were ready and willing to come visit Flagstaff and stay at my parents house for five days. Well on Wednesday they were supposed to arrive in Flagstaff around 5 in the evening and then I was going to take them out to dinner because my parents were in Phoenix. They didn't end up getting here until about 7:30 or 8 that night because of highway construction. My poor Grandpa was sitting in the car for 7 straight hours, without as much as a bathroom break. When they finally got to Flag, my Grandma came into the house, but left my Grandpa in the van because it takes to long to get him in and out. Then we went to get some Mexican food because New Mexican's can never get enough green chili. By the time we got done with dinner, got home, unpacked the car and got them settled it was almost 11pm. Then the next day, both my parents were at work and Brian was at school and my Grandpa fell out of his wheelchair. Grandpa is a very big man, so my 115 pound grandma could definitely not help him get up. The only thing my Grandma could do was help roll him out of the bathroom where he fell. When my dad and brother finally got home they tried lifting him up, back into his chair, but like i said...Grandpa is a large man. They ended up having to call the fire department to have a few guys come in and lift him. They came and were studs. They got my Grandpa back to normal and were very tactful about it. In the process though, he hurt his feet and ankles. He told everyone he was fine, but the next day the pain was too much to bear so my mom and Grandma had to call the ambulance to take him to the ER. He was in the ER all day on Friday and then they finally decided to admit him into a regualr room so he could regain some strength, be properly taken care of and try to rehabilitate his legs so he could maybe move them again. So, unfortuantly Grandpa has been in the hospital since Friday and they weren't even going to start working with him until today. The poor guy has been so bored. He isn't the best at cooperating either, and I have found myself apologizing to the nurses for him. Its hard because they know what is best and safest for him, but he doesn't want to do anything their way. He wants to do everything the way he always has and it scares the living daylights out of the nurses. I feel so bad for them.

I am really worried about him. Just watching him try and do the simplest things breaks my heart. It is the hardest thing for someone to give up their freedoms. Its even worse for my Grandpa. Growing up in the era that he did, he was the provider, the man of the house. He took care of his wife and kids and all of their needs. Now he can't even write his name. I'm sure he feels completely helpless. It hurts so much to see his life hanging by a thread.

"Rain, rain, go away..."

2007-12-07T10:44:00.000-08:00

I love Ellen Degeneras! She is one of the funniest, coolest ladies ever.

On her show, she announced a contest geared toward college students. They were supposed to write in and tell her why their town and their college is so great and she will come visit!

Well, a freshman from NAU won and Ellen is in Flagstaff today! Campus had been buzzing about it all week and everyone is so excited that she is here! I know it is kinda lame...but this is really cool for NAU.

The only problem now is the weather. Of course, the one day that Ellen is coming to film her show in Flagstaff and open the world's eyes to how fantastic it is, sheets of rain are pouring and fog is polluting the air. You can't see 10 feet in front of you!

Poor Ellen...this isn't what Flagstaff is really like. I promise.

"Waitin"

2007-12-05T14:49:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty much in love with this...the bald guy in the back is my favorite :)

"And everyday is the start of something beautiful"

2007-12-05T10:21:00.000-08:00

Now that NaBloPoMo is over I don't really have the pressure to write everyday. To be honest though, I am actually very impressed with myself that I did this for the entire month. I am not usually one to commit to things for very long...just ask any of my ex boyfriends. I tend to get bored or side tracked very easily because I have the attention span of a 10 year old. I need something to keep me interested and on my toes at all times or I will most likely forget about it.

Maybe that is why I like blogging? It forces me focus and get my thoughts together about certian things so I'm not so scatter brained. Actually, now that I think about it, blogging has kind of kept me sane for the past month when I have been so busy and had so much going on. It has acted as an outlet for me...something that is mine to do with what I want and when I want.

Hmmmm...maybe I'll keep this thing around for a little while longer...

"You look like the songs I've heard my whole life comin' true"

2007-11-30T12:29:00.000-08:00

Two of my favorite artists right now are The Rocket Summer and Imogen Heap. Now these artists don't really have a similar sound at all but they do have one major thing in common. Bryce Avary, of The Rocket Summer and Imogen both sing, write and play every instrument when recording each of their songs. It is actually pretty amazing when you think about how much work they much put into recording each and every song. I don't think seeing either of them live would do them very much justice, because I'm sure they get a band to tour with them.

This performance by Imogen is one of my favorites. To me, it is the eptiome of real music. It is so cool to just watch her do her thing.

Now for The Rocket Summer. I just got his new cd and I am obsessed! I couldn't pick a favorite song so I'm just going to post a few of my favorites. I just love him :)

Here is Goodbye Waves and Driveaways. This is one of the best break up songs I have ever heard.

This song is called So Much Love. It is his newest hit and I am pretty much in love with it!

"Sweetly broken, holy surrender"

2007-11-29T09:31:00.000-08:00

I thought this was a cool picture...and of course a great quote!

"Summertime"

2007-11-28T11:54:00.000-08:00

So I have been thinking that I want to go out of state this summer and work at a youth camp or something. There are so many different options but I don't know where I want to go. I just want to get out of AZ for a while. I think that would be fun. My ultiamte goal is to someday start my own youth camp. So I want to work in a variety of different places and get different experiences of how things are run. I worked at my first youth camp this past summer, and personally I saw a lot of areas where things could be improved. I don't know exactly what I want to do, where I want to go, or for how long but I know this is what I'm supposed to do. I'm excited to see where this lead me though!

"Self conclusion in one simplified motion"

2007-11-27T09:50:00.000-08:00

There are so many things that I could write about today, but honestly I'm just not in the mood to collect my thoughts and put them into words. Maybe I'll feel more like it tomorrow...

"Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard"

2007-11-26T11:07:00.000-08:00

Why am I so bad at science?!?! Seriously! My physical science class is killing me, and I pretty much have my own personal tutor in there. For some reason I just can't get it! Well, thank the Lord that we are able to do test corrections for full credit, because if not, I would definitely not have a decent grade. Luckly, with my major I only need one lab science, so I'll be done after this semester. Ugh...I'm off to do corrections on the latest test.

"I am who I am!"

2007-11-26T09:50:00.000-08:00

This is the most painful thing I have ever seen, but I don't think I have ever laughed so hard.

"Memories..."

2007-11-24T20:55:00.000-08:00

For Thanksgiving this year my family and I went to see my Grandparents in Albuquerque, NM. Now, this isn't an unusual trip, except for one thing. In mid-October, my Grandpa called my dad and said "Marc, if you want to see the house again, you better get out here before Wednesday". This was his way of telling my dad that he and my Grandma were not only moving from the house that my dad has lived in since he was three years old, but they were moving in less than a week. Now this was surprising and a little disheartening to all of us. It has been a second home to my brother and I since we were born. We have almost as many memories in that house as we do in our own. Everything from "our" bedrooms, swimming in the pool, cards at the dining room table, ping-pong upstairs and a lifetime's amount of just stuff that my Grandparents have accumulated.

Their new house is nice, but it isn't the house that we are used to. They haven't even put the house on the market yet because they need to replace the carpet and do a few other repairs. So I asked my Grandpa to take me to the old house so I could see it all empty. My parents and brother ended up coming too. I didn't expect it to be as sad as it was. Just knowing that was the last time we were going to be in that house was horrible! It was weird, usually I love change, I even crave it, but there are a few things in my life that are just always stable. My Grandparents are one of those things and now they go changing on me! What the heck Grandma and Grandpa! Well I guess I just have to just get over it and make some memories in the new house, because my grandparents are still the same.

"Who do you love?"

2007-11-23T13:54:00.000-08:00

I'm a little pissed at my brother right now. Brian thought it would be hilarious to put my phone number into a website called yourcrush.com and then give random names of people who would have a crush on me. Since he did that I have been getting text messages from this website saying that Dwight Schrute, Kobe Bryant, Phyllis from The Office and Zane Johnson all have crushes on me. It is fantastic.....I love my brother so much.

"1 Turkey, 2 Turkey, 3"

2007-11-22T16:43:00.000-08:00

Today I had my third Thanksgiving dinner, and I'm pretty sure it gets better every time. My first one was two weeks ago when Amy's mom came up to visit. She felt bad because Amy wasn't going to be able to have a Thanksgiving dinner, so she cooked us and 17 of Amy's friends a huge dinner. It was amazing! My second dinner was a little bit different. Laurel and Keri and the Cares Teams from the apartment complexes near them put on a Thanksgiving dinner for the residents in their complexes. This dinner was huge! At least 500 people showed up. We cooked 20 turkeys, 8 hams, and what seemed like an endless amount of rolls, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, stuffing and an array pies. This dinner was really cool because it was really the only experience I had with all that goes into the preparation of a Thanksgiving dinner. I never realize how much food there really is and how much effort is put into the cooking and cleaning. My third Thanksgiving dinner just ended. This one was with my family. My Grandmas and my mom cooked while my Grandpas and my dad watched football and Brian and I watched The Office. Now its time to eat some pumpkin pie, play cards and of course...watch The Office. Happy Thanksgiving!

"Are you ready?"

2007-11-21T19:53:00.000-08:00

Three episodes in and Brian is already hooked and loves Dwight. Mission accomplished...

"Lets tune out"

2007-11-20T23:39:00.000-08:00

I am so happy and relieved! I finally finished all of my work and am finally aboe to relax. Tonight I got to go to Phoenix and watch Brian's basketball team beat Arcadia and then tomorrow I am going to Albuquerque with my family. I didn't want to have to think about school at all so I got my two papers, that are due the Monday after the break, done so I don't have to worry about it. I'm so excited to spend some time with my family, get Brian hooked on The Office and completely relax. It will be amazing!

"Walkin' on sunshine"

2007-11-19T10:05:00.000-08:00

In this chaotic day, I have found my happy place. Oh how I love you, Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino :)

"There's one thing you should know"

2007-11-19T00:20:00.000-08:00

I'm not usually a huge country fan, but this is such a good song and this video kills me every time! Be sure to grab a tissue before you hit play.

"She doesn't get it"

2007-11-17T23:52:00.000-08:00

Tonight I went to The Format acoustic show. It was amazing. I decided that I would take The Format acoustic over The Format electric any day. Although the music was amazing, I think my favorite thing about the night was the girl sitting behind us.

Before the show started people are standing up taking pictures of the stage and she starts yelling "Sit down!" and talks about annoying it is when people stand up at concerts. Then when no one listens to her she gets mad and says things like "I'm the shortest one here" and "sorry that I'm jaded". Then she claimed to know each of the band members personally and after the start of almost every song she would say to the boy with her "oh this isn't the song they wrote about me so we're good." Then they started playing On Your Porch and she claimed that the song was written about her Grandpa dying. Then when they played If Work Permits and she said that was the song that was written by her and that the band "didn't give her enough credit." Then she started crying while singing along. Later in the show someone yelled "I love you!" to the lead singer and he talked back to her and the crowd a little bit. All the while, the girl behind us says, "I would yell I love you to him, but he would know it was me and he wouldn't be able to respond because it hurts too much." Apparently our little band here has a past. Then the entire show she was standing on the seat, blocking everyone's view of the show after she complained about people standing up and blocking her view. She told her boyfriend, "they probably see me right now and are mad that I'm not up front with them." The entire night I felt like I was in on something I shouldn't be, like I had my own VH1 Behind The Music. It was awkward, yet quite entertaining. The entire night I was straining my ears to hear what she was going to say next. Whether it be yelling profanities at the top of her lungs toward the band, or bragging about everything she knew about them and all of the songs they wrote about her, she always had me laughing at how ridiculous she was.

"Listen up y'all 'cause this is it"

2007-11-16T23:14:00.000-08:00

If I could give anyone any advice....people aren't always what you think so don't judge a book by its cover.

"Oh, go cry about it why don't you"

2007-11-15T23:13:00.000-08:00

Tonight I went to Alissa's play. They did Steel Magnolia's, which is a movie that I love...yes, I admit, I do love a good chick flick. She did such a good job! I was really impressed. Alissa played the part of the mom, M'Lynn. She did an amazing job with the ending scene. It was the scene where her daughter, Shelby, has just died and she is questioning why she had to die so young, and what she is going to tell her grandson. I'm pretty sure that the entire audience was in tears. My eyes even welled up a bit, and thats pretty big for me! Well, I think its back to homework. Night!

"Its the little things"

2007-11-15T09:31:00.000-08:00

I will be posting twice today because I didn't have my computer yesterday. This week is going by pretty slowly but I am getting a lot done, which is good.

Amy's mom has been in town since Monday and we are loving it! She cooked us an amazing Thanksgiving dinner on Tuesday night and then yesterday, she made a turkey soup with all of the leftovers. She is an amazing Christian woman, who has one of the biggest hearts! It was refreshing just to be able to sit and talk with her. I'm so happy that Amy got to spend time with her too. I know she has been missing her family a lot lately.

Yesterday, I found out that one of my supervisors at work had a heartattack and was in the hospital. She has been gone from work since last Thursday and I thought she was just out sick. I was in complete shock when I found out yesterday. One of the other supervisors and I went down to the hospital yesterday and spent about an hour with her. She looked better than I expected and she actually just called me a few minutes age and said that she was released, but she has to go back in two weeks to get another stint. She is the lady that I talked to all of the time, so I've been pretty lonely at work without her.

I have been stressing majorly about all of my school work that is due in the next few weeks. The biggest thing that I need to do is have 25-19 hours of volunteer work completed. I have been doing it at South Beaver Elementary and just helping with the FACTS program there, but I really don't have enough time in my day to finish the 25 hours by the 28th. I was talking to Laurel about it last night and she reminded me how much I have helped with CARES and how I have pretty much eaten up their volunteer hours. We thought about it and did some math and realized that between the Haunted House last month and by after the Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday, I will have more than the required 25 hours. This was the biggest relief in the world! I can't believe I didn't think of it before. I already have the hours done, now I just have to write the paper, which will be way easy. My goal is to get that paper and my New Teatament paper done before I leave on Tuesday, because they are both due the Monday after I get back and I don't want to even have to think about school during Thanksgiving.

Well that is pretty much the gist of what had happened in the last few days. Hope everyone else is doing wondeful!

"No One, no one"

2007-11-13T13:21:00.000-08:00

In honor of Alicia Keys' new cd...

so painful...

"I don't wanna grow up"

2007-11-13T00:05:00.000-08:00

I'm not really focused enough to write anything good tonight. I've got my mind on other things. Tomorrow I have to write a note to my younger brother for his senior yearbook ad. I'm still puzzled at what to write. Do I tell him how proud I am of him, and how much I love him? Do I keep it lighthearted and write one of our many inside jokes? Do I tell him how much I'm going to miss him when he leaves? I don't know and I don't really want to think about it. I feel like once I write it he will have permission to grow up and leave, and I am pretty much dreading the day that he does leave. I feel like I have so many things to say to him, but I don't have the words to say it. What do you even write to someone who means so much to you? Well I am going to bed. Maybe the words will come to me in the morning.

"Waiting on the world to change"

2007-11-11T22:19:00.000-08:00

What is wrong with kids today? They are so eager to grow up. Was I like that? I hope not. If i could give any kid or teenager any advice it would be to be a kid or teenager! I don't know why they are wanting to be something that they aren't ready to be yet.

I was just talking to a kid that I babysit who is in 7th grade. I've been babysitting him and his little sister for about the last four years. He has always been extremely mature for his age in certain areas and very immature in other ways. It almost scares me to hear about the things that he knows about, and how accurate his information is. I feel like I am one of the only positive adult influences in his life. His mom cares, but she doesn't know how to handle his raging hormones on her own. His dad's exact words were "pace yourself" and his grandpa is only fueling his fire.

At first I was really freaked out by this kid and it scared me because I don't know how I would be able to handle a pre-teen boy like him, but then I realized that a lot of it has to do with how lenient his parents are with him, and how uninvolved they are with him. By spending so much time with this family, I have definitely learned a thing or two about parenting. But then again....I bet its not as easy as it looks. Good thing I'm not going to be a parent for a very long time.

"Blowin' out my mind"

2007-11-10T22:32:00.000-08:00

This is probably one of my favorite moments in history. Three of my favorite artists sharing the same stage. Corinne Bailey Rae, John Mayer and John Legend. Does it get any better? I don't know...you tell me.

Oh, and can I just say....John Mayer sure knows how to end a show!

"Woman, get busy"

2007-11-09T16:56:00.000-08:00

I can't wait until Thanksgiving! I love this time of year and I love the holiday season....I just wish it would get here already! I have so much to do in the next two weeks before I leave for Albuquerque. I need to write three papers, do a group project, study for a test and do 15 hours of volunteer work. Luckly, I am feeling really motivated today. I wrote my 7 page paper that is due on Wednesday at work today. Yes, I got paid $8 an hour to do homework. Oh, how I love on-campus jobs! I just can't wait for next Tuesday when I have all of this done!

There are a lot of things to look forward to though. Tomorrow is Alexis' birthday, there are no classes on Monday, Amy's mom is coming up on Tuesday and going to cook us a Thanksgiving dinner, Alicia Key's new CD comes out on Tuesday and next Saturday The Format is playing an acoustic show. It should be a busy, but amazing couple of weeks!

"Bear Down"

2007-11-08T09:49:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week Lute Olson announced that he was taking an immediate leave of absense from coaching my beloved Arizona Wildcats. Apparently he won't be gone for a lengthy amount of time but this is still a very sad day. He made a statment saying that it wasn't a health issue (which is pretty impressive since he is 73 years old) but it had something to do with one of his kids. The assistant coach, Kevin O'Neill, will take over until Lute's return. Hopefully the Wildcats will be able to function without him.

We got the top two high school players in the state, Jerryd Bayless and Zane Johnson. I've never seen Bayless play, but I've seen his stats and they are very impressive. My brother's high school team played Johnson's last season and he was pretty good (even though Brian did block one of his shots...yes it was a very proud moment). He obviously didn't play much because Sinagua is no where even close to being in the same league as him. In addition to these two, we still have Budinger and McClellan. Although, we did take a big hit losing Mustafa, Radenovic and Marcus Williams.

I think we are going to be pretty good this season, but we need as much of Lute as we can get. He pretty much established the Arizona men's basketball program. He has been coaching for about 40 years and is a Hall of Famer. He brought Arizona's basketball program from nothing to a National Championship, 4 Final Four apperances, 22 consecutive NCAA tournament apperances, 11 Pac-10 Conference titles and the nation's second best winning percentage.

Lute Olson is amazing and he definitely has one loyal fan awaiting his return.

"You say you want a revolution?"

2007-11-07T11:54:00.000-08:00

I read this article written by Mr. Leno a few days ago and was very impressed. Its long but so worth it to read.

The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true, given the source, right? "The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed, and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence, 2/3's of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change.

So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ''What are we so unhappy about?''

Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?

Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?

Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time, and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?

Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?

Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?

I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough.

Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all, and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings.

Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes , an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.

This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?

Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy. Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S., yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have , and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the President who took us into war and has no plan to get us out?
The President who has a measly 31 percent approval rating?
Is this the same President who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The President that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession?
Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks?
The Commander-In Chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me?

Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad? Think about it...are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the "Media" told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom.

There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a 'general' discharge, an 'other than honorable' discharge or, worst case scenario, a 'dishonorable' discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans?

Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds, it leads; and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner?

The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells , and when criticized, try to defend their actions by 'justifying' them in one way or another.

Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about 'how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way'...Insane! Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media.

Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage.

Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.

We are among the most blessed people on Earth, and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.

With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?" Jay Leno 2007

"And so it is"

2007-11-06T09:23:00.000-08:00

Last night I went out to dinner with Laurel. We had good food, good conversation and a hot waiter. There was one point at the end of the meal when we started singing. I didn't think we were singing that loud, but who knows, sometimes we get in our own world where we don't really notice anyone or anything around us. Yeah, its kind of embarassing now that I am thinking about it. Anyway, a woman at the table behind us tapped me on the shoulder and randomly asked if we were Christians and went to church. It was really awkward, but I said yes and talked to her for a second about the church I went to. I turned back to Laurel and gave one of my famous "that was random/awkward/weird" looks. Then Laurel pointed out that some of our conversation that night wasn't very Christian-like. Its hard to remember that we live in a world where we are always being watched and listened to. I forget that all too often. I have to make sure that I remember that everything I do or say acts as a witness to everyone around me.

"This love has taken its toll"

2007-11-05T12:15:00.000-08:00

My favorite couple...

"Don't talk to me about work, please don't talk to me about work"

2007-11-04T16:02:00.000-08:00

I've been working at an athletic gym for the past 3 1/2 years. I work in 3 different departments and I love it. This semester I am not working very much at the gym because I need to focus on school and I don't have enough time to work 7-8 hour shifts. I started to regret not working so much when I picked up my paycheck and saw the minuscule amount written boldly on the front. That night I went to the gym with my roommates so we could relax in the hot tub for a bit and an interesting opportunity presented itself.

A lady that worked in the Kids' Club with me is now the manager of the custodial department and she was telling me that she needed more people to work for her. My roommate, Amy, and I were talking and we decided that we both needed the extra money and the hours would be perfect for us because they were at night. So we went and talked to the manager and told her that we were interested in the job. We were hired on the spot and scheduled to start our training at the end of the week. Everything went very well.....for a while.

I couldn't remember exactly how long we had been working there so I just asked Amy. To quote her exactly, "We have been working for a month.....the month from hell." It was really fun at first, we liked the people, the work was easy and the hours were great. About a week ago things started going down hill and last night, Amy and I came home and decided that we were going to quit.

Last night we were supposed to be off work by 9pm. To make things go quicker, Amy and I sign up to clean everything together. After we get all of our work done we are supposed to go see if anyone needs help finishing their work because we all leave at the same time. Everyone is finished with their work at about 9:15pm except our manager. Her job was to clean the entire women's locker room, which takes about an hour to do. We all go to see what she needs help with, only to find that she hasn't even started cleaning the locker room because she had the urge to get on her hands and knees and scrub the entire shower area. We start cleaning the rest of the locker room together, while our manager comes in and tries to explain to us how to do things that any person that has common sense can do, such as refilling the lotion and soap bottles. It took her 10 min to try and explain how to screw the lid onto the bottles. The whole time she was talking I was staring at the minuet hand on the clock move further and further around and all I can think about is the amount of time I am wasting listening to this.

Finally, we got out of there a little after 10pm and Amy looked at me, knowing exactly what I was thinking and said "I've got to use up the rest of my tanning package before I quit"

"Gentlemen and Ladies, please put down your expensive champange, It's about to get ugly in here"

2007-11-03T17:41:00.000-07:00

I am watching the ASU vs. Oregon game. The 4th quarter just started and Oregon is up by 19 and it is looking good for the Ducks. I've never been to an Oregon game, but I despise the SunDevil's, especially their fans. Last year I went to the NAU vs. ASU football game and the ASU fans were throwing hot dogs at our cheerleaders and fans.....classy huh? I don't know, I've always liked Oregon in every sport so I hope they kill ASU. Like I said, it's looking good for Oregon so keep your fingers crossed!

GO DUCKS!!!!

"It's not a silly little moment"

2007-11-02T11:38:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a really awkward moment with someone? I'm pretty awkward in general so this isn't a rare occurance. Most of the time I do it on purpose to see the other person's reaction, but sometimes I just get really awkward and in turn I say things.

I had an old friend come visit for the night yesterday. We had a great time staying up all night talking and just catching up on the past year of our lives that we haven't been in consistant contact. Everything went great until the goodbye. This morning when he left, my awkward self took over and started saying things that didn't make sense. Granted, it was 9am and I hadn't slept in over 25 hours, but I probably shouldn't use that as an excuse because I really don't think it had anything to do with my lack of sleep. I don't know why, but I always get weird at goodbyes and don't know what to do or say. Maybe it is because I don't know when I will see him again, maybe it has something to do with what happened during our interaction, or maybe I'm just socially awkward. Regardless, this issue keeps coming up with me and I am just greatful that my friends love me for the socially awkward, quirky me that I am.

"I have arrived and I can't keep this inside"

2007-11-01T12:03:00.000-07:00

I joined NaBloPoMo. To join, pretty much the only thing you have to do is post one original blog a day for a month. So, for the month of November that is what I'm going to try and do.

We'll see how long I can last. Hopefully ya'll stick around and hang out with me for a while!