"Life taught me to die"

My heart is broken this holiday season.

A family that I know and love lost a very important person and I just can't seem to shake this grief that I feel for them.

A family friend, the father of a boy that I have been going to school with since 1st grade, had a heart attack and died the afternoon of Christmas Eve. This man was taken away from three teenage kids and a wife who just found out she had breast cancer. He was her rock, the only thing that kept her going and now he's gone. She has never felt so alone, so scared, so unsure. I wish there was something I could do. People are constantly asking them what they can do and the only answer that they can muster is "you can bring my dad back".

Carol, Erik, Chad, Jenna.....If I could I would....

But I can't, and it breaks my heart that I can't. All I can do is pray. I know that doesn't really mean anything to them, but I don't know how else to respond. The only one that knows why Chuck was taken from his family is the only one that can comfort them.

"Amazing love, how can it be...."

These are some of the most convicting words that I have ever heard...


"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother." 1 John 4:18-21

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:16-18

"Baby, you're the only light I think I ever saw"

If John Mayer broke up with me using this song....There is no way i could be mad. The lyrics are genius.

"I'm so alive, I'm so enlightened"

Ok, it is official...I am definitely quitting my job.

We had a huge snow storm earlier this week and I was supposed to work on Monday night. My car and my roommate's car were both stuck in the driveway because of all the snow and ice. I called into work at about 8:00pm and told them that I wasn't going to be coming in at 10pm because of the weather. I figured that would beok since there were already 5 people there and working. Well apparently my boss decided to work that night as well and wasn't too happy about me just calling and sayig that I wasn't coming in without getting a sub. She called me at about 9:30pm and basically told me that if I didn't come in that I was going to lose my job. Now this wouldn't have been that big of a deal to me except that if I get fired from one department then I automatically get fired from any department that I work in...and I work in 3 others. So after she told me that, I explained to her that both my car and my room mates car was stuck in the driveway and I had no way of getting there. Her response was, "You can walk". So, in fear of losing my job and being the overly passive person that I am, I walked 3 miles in a freezing cold blizzard, with snow up to my thighs at some point, at 10pm at night, by myself!

Ok, ok. Maybe I am being a little dramatic, but that is pretty dangerous! At least I got a ride home and didn't have to walk home at 1am. This little incident definitely pushed me over the edge though...after the winter break...I'm done.

"Everything...is gonna be alright"

My semester finally ended yesterday and I couldn't be happier! This semester wasn't too bad. For the most part I stayed on top of my work and actually went to class. Its funny how much more motivated you get when there is a threat to being kicked out of school.

On Friday I logged onto my NAU email and was pleasantly surprised to come across an email from my Social Work professor telling me that I had an A in the class and if I was happy with that grade then I didn't have to come in and take the final on Monday. If I was happy with an A? No Professor Goodluck, (yes, her last name really is Goodluck haha) I think I'll come in and take the final and risk getting a B, but thanks for the offer!

I have three other classes. In Social Psychology, I didn't have a final either because we had a quiz every two weeks. Right now I have a C in that class, but there is still one paper that needs to be graded and recorded in that. Then I have Physical Science and a lab. I'm not really sure how I'm going to do in there. My last class is New Testament. I think I did ok on the final and I got an A on our latest paper so I'm not too worried about that class.

Overall, I think I'm going to be ok this semester and I don't think I'll get kicked out. Just cross your fingers for me!

"Let him know that you know best"

You have no idea how happy I am that this weekend is over. It was maybe one of the most stressful weekends ever.

It started out with my Grandparents coming up for Brian's basketball tournament on Wednesday. My 73 year old Grandpa has Muscular Dystrophy, so his muscles are getting weaker and weaker. He is in a wheelchair and he can't do much by himself. He can barely hold a fork and lift it to his mouth to eat. Because of his disease and how hard it is for him to get around, he and my Grandma don't travel much. So it was huge that they were ready and willing to come visit Flagstaff and stay at my parents house for five days. Well on Wednesday they were supposed to arrive in Flagstaff around 5 in the evening and then I was going to take them out to dinner because my parents were in Phoenix. They didn't end up getting here until about 7:30 or 8 that night because of highway construction. My poor Grandpa was sitting in the car for 7 straight hours, without as much as a bathroom break. When they finally got to Flag, my Grandma came into the house, but left my Grandpa in the van because it takes to long to get him in and out. Then we went to get some Mexican food because New Mexican's can never get enough green chili. By the time we got done with dinner, got home, unpacked the car and got them settled it was almost 11pm. Then the next day, both my parents were at work and Brian was at school and my Grandpa fell out of his wheelchair. Grandpa is a very big man, so my 115 pound grandma could definitely not help him get up. The only thing my Grandma could do was help roll him out of the bathroom where he fell. When my dad and brother finally got home they tried lifting him up, back into his chair, but like i said...Grandpa is a large man. They ended up having to call the fire department to have a few guys come in and lift him. They came and were studs. They got my Grandpa back to normal and were very tactful about it. In the process though, he hurt his feet and ankles. He told everyone he was fine, but the next day the pain was too much to bear so my mom and Grandma had to call the ambulance to take him to the ER. He was in the ER all day on Friday and then they finally decided to admit him into a regualr room so he could regain some strength, be properly taken care of and try to rehabilitate his legs so he could maybe move them again. So, unfortuantly Grandpa has been in the hospital since Friday and they weren't even going to start working with him until today. The poor guy has been so bored. He isn't the best at cooperating either, and I have found myself apologizing to the nurses for him. Its hard because they know what is best and safest for him, but he doesn't want to do anything their way. He wants to do everything the way he always has and it scares the living daylights out of the nurses. I feel so bad for them.

I am really worried about him. Just watching him try and do the simplest things breaks my heart. It is the hardest thing for someone to give up their freedoms. Its even worse for my Grandpa. Growing up in the era that he did, he was the provider, the man of the house. He took care of his wife and kids and all of their needs. Now he can't even write his name. I'm sure he feels completely helpless. It hurts so much to see his life hanging by a thread.

"Rain, rain, go away..."

I love Ellen Degeneras! She is one of the funniest, coolest ladies ever.



On her show, she announced a contest geared toward college students. They were supposed to write in and tell her why their town and their college is so great and she will come visit!

Well, a freshman from NAU won and Ellen is in Flagstaff today! Campus had been buzzing about it all week and everyone is so excited that she is here! I know it is kinda lame...but this is really cool for NAU.

The only problem now is the weather. Of course, the one day that Ellen is coming to film her show in Flagstaff and open the world's eyes to how fantastic it is, sheets of rain are pouring and fog is polluting the air. You can't see 10 feet in front of you!

Poor Ellen...this isn't what Flagstaff is really like. I promise.

"Waitin"

I'm pretty much in love with this...the bald guy in the back is my favorite :)

"And everyday is the start of something beautiful"

Now that NaBloPoMo is over I don't really have the pressure to write everyday. To be honest though, I am actually very impressed with myself that I did this for the entire month. I am not usually one to commit to things for very long...just ask any of my ex boyfriends. I tend to get bored or side tracked very easily because I have the attention span of a 10 year old. I need something to keep me interested and on my toes at all times or I will most likely forget about it.

Maybe that is why I like blogging? It forces me focus and get my thoughts together about certian things so I'm not so scatter brained. Actually, now that I think about it, blogging has kind of kept me sane for the past month when I have been so busy and had so much going on. It has acted as an outlet for me...something that is mine to do with what I want and when I want.

Hmmmm...maybe I'll keep this thing around for a little while longer...